Bootleg Gets Bench Pressed

As The Liquor King attempted to lower the barbell back down to his chest, he suddenly lost control. The weight crashed down onto his chest, pinning him beneath its massive bulk. The gym fell silent, with all eyes fixed on the struggling bootlegger.

Bootleg runs his mouth. Tank says nothing, just grabs Bootleg by the throat, lifts him bodily, and lays him across the bench press. “What the—” Bootleg starts. Tank loads two 45s on each side. Bootleg struggles. Tank grips the bar, stares down. “Three reps,” Tank says. First rep: Bootleg curses. Second: ribs creak. Third: Bootleg taps out. Tank reracks. “You got bench pressed, Bootleg. Now walk it off.” bootleg gets bench pressed

The scene starts like any other classic bootleg review. The reviewer (let's call him our fearless plastic explorer) is sitting on the floor, holding a strange, off-brand wrestling figure. The figure is likely a "Special Edition" version of a wrestler who looks suspiciously like John Cena, but with the skin tone of a carrot and the face of a melted candle. As The Liquor King attempted to lower the

Next time you see a bootleg figure with stiff joints, treat it with respect. You never know when it might decide to hit the gym and bench press you into next week. Bootleg runs his mouth

Underground fight gym, 2 AM.

Decide what Bootleg is: